


Garlic Bread

by ayylmao



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Vodka is to blame, garlic bread, i'm not sorry at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23816539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayylmao/pseuds/ayylmao
Summary: "I want to eat your ass like garlic bread."
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	Garlic Bread

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic I've written since I was like in the 5th grade, first to post publicly. I'm not a writer, but this has been on my mind for a while now. I hope you enjoy this funny little fic. And yes, garlic bread is that bitch.

When Will came home from another day, another body, another mystery, he started to ponder what the hell he was going to eat for dinner. He sighed as he took a lingering assessment at his fridge. Some tomatoes, an onion, some butter, a lob of meat that was nearly too far gone, a bulb of garlic, and some stale bread.

“Looks like it’s spaghetti night, guys,” he announced to his gathering army of dogs. He opened the door and let them out so he could prepare his meal. In the cabinet, he found a box pasta (thankfully, could you imagine him trying to make pasta?) and various dried herbs and spices from years ago (but they still smell fine, don’t worry.) He also found his ol’ faithful, liquid brown courage to aid him in his attempt at sustenance. A few shots later and he lost himself in the monotony of chopping and slicing, throwing things in until it felt right in his bones.

The scratching at the door alerted him that they needed to be let back in and that the sauce was almost done. He prepared the dry pasta and placed the bread in the oven as he began filling the bowls for his family to eat.

“Bon Appetit, y’all,” he toasted to his friends as they all started to thoroughly enjoy their meals.

Many glasses of whiskey and a few servings of pasta later, Will relaxed on his makeshift bed and began to wonder about the miracle that is garlic bread.

“I think garlic bread is the greatest thing ever invented. Who would think that putting butter, garlic, and bread together would make the PERFECT food ever?” he enthusiastically proclaimed to his furry audience. They looked to him in interest but eventually went back to reclining lazily on the hardwood floors.

“Hmm, tough crowd,” he chuffed. _I know someone who actually appreciates food_ , he thought to himself as he scrolled to Hannibal’s name in his contacts. With too much whiskey pumping through his veins, he began to type.

Hannibal’s phone lit up with a new notification on his table. His heart beat quickly in interest at Will’s name appearing on his screen.

W: What’s your opinion on garlic bread?  
W: The greatest food on Earth or the greatest food on Earth?

H: Well, considering its availability, ease of preparation, and its varied paring to other main dishes and as well as a range of sauces, I personally think it’s highly underrated.

 _Highly underrated_ , Will chuckled as he bit into the cold piece of bread remaining on his plate.

W: Honestly, my favorite food is garlic bread. It tastes like home, but better. Crispy, buttery, flavorful, and absolutely perfect in every single way.

He paused. And his thumb moved on its own.

W: I want to eat your ass like garlic bread.

Will felt his heart jump out of his body and a cold chill ran through his veins. He didn’t mean to hit send on that one, chief.

_Oh shit._

Hannibal looked at the screen and re-read the message.  
_He wants to eat my ass like garlic bread. Fucking finally._ He wondered about what gods he pleased recently to warrant that response.

W: I didn’t mean to send that. I don’t know what got into me, too much whiskey and bread, I guess, haha. Just pretend that never happened.

With the soft rush of wine through his veins, Hannibal typed his own reply.

H: I appreciate the enthusiasm for my ass, but unfortunately it cannot be eaten in _that_ way. May taste worse with garlic, though.  
H: Also, please come by my home tomorrow, around 7:30 so I can show my appreciation for garlic bread as well.  
H: I hope you have a good night, Will.

He didn’t expect that.

Will sat nervously at the head of Hannibal’s heavily decorated table filled with hyacinth and lilies and bowls of pungent pesto and cheese, herbs, freshly made pasta, and bread. He felt a bead of sweat slowly inch its way down his back.

“You know, Will, that the Romans once described a plant, known as _silphium,_ that was a cross in flavor between fennel and garlic that was so delicious, they went to the highest mountains in the known world to find it?”

Will curiously tilted his head to the side. He starred a hole into the bread.

“They were so ravenous for the herb that they ate it to extinction. It was so popular that it was on coinage and its seeds resemble the heart symbol that we know today. There are still botanists who are still trying to breed the perfect cross in flavor profile for the world to enjoy again.”

“Wow, I had _no_ idea, Hannibal,” Will creaked out.

“They also said it was perfect in a spread of olive oil and herbs on hot, fresh-baked bread and enjoyed with a meal.”

Will felt his face heat and reached to behind him to scratch his head.

“Ah, now about that, Dr. Lect-”

“Just Hannibal, please. I think we’re familiar enough with each other to use a first name basis now.”

“Han-Hannibal. _Fuck._ Now about last night, I was really drunk and I-I…”

“Now Will, I know that alcohol loosens your inhibitions, but it normally does not make you tell falsehoods,” he stated with a pointed brow.

_You got me there with that one._

“With that in mind, I hope the offer is still on the table to ‘ _eat my ass like garlic bread_.’ I am flattered at how my ass could ever compare to something that is ‘ _absolutely perfect in every single way_ ’,” Hannibal stated as he gently rested himself on the table in front of Will.

_Finally, some good fucking food._


End file.
